NathanJohnsonBlog.com: A Child's Face Is In The Kingdom

June 9th, 2010

Dani, a very thin boy about age 7, held onto me tonight and would not let go. He wanted to be around me so I put my arm around him and pulled him in. He wanted me to help him do pull-ups and so I did. Later all the boys watched "Where The Wild Things Are" a movie that had most of the interns advising against it. The movie was shown and all the time I was seeing the movie through their eyes. It was as if God gave me an emotion of what being alone in the mind of a young boy who was just so angry and unseen that he had to visit another world where he could be king. As movie progressed to the last scene and that boy is leaving the shores, Dani and 5 other boys began to cry. I was in tears as well and my heart was feeling the ache and the need to belong somewhere. The boy howled back at the monster friend and the monster howled back...my spirit howled with them and then all was silent. I asked God if He would father the boys and wrap them into his loving arms where they can be angry and feel all the things a young boys must feel to be a boy. I had tears that evening and wept for their journey...I simply do not know what to do with their tears even though I may understand where they come from. I thanked my Father and slept. The Face of Dani was cradled in the King's arms that night.

June 11th, 2010

Today was more seeing. Took a walk with God and read more of my book "An Undivided Soul" by Parker Palmer. Played kickball with the boys and later that night lifted them boys up so they could do pull-ups. A fever broke out for pull-ups and before I knew it 10 boys were wanting me to lift them up to see what they could do...it was an amazing time of lifting boys up to the heavens. I sat for awhile in a bug infested area listening to Christian and Wikki play with the keyboard as it rang out the tune "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. Then it hit me...this song is about the heart going on in the midst of a great separation, mythical remembrance and longing...but why this song? I know something about separation. About 12 years ago this song filled the airwaves on the radio almost to an annoying camber. It was the song that marked my honeymoon, the movie we saw in Loveland, CO...and it was the song I heard that made me weep sitting in a parking lot during my separation from my wife that eventually led to divorce. An ending, a separation I never wanted yet here it was starring me in the face...a distance between us forever marked. What did they hear in this song? Do they know the words and what they mean...probably not. Many of these boys were abandoned or dropped off simply because their parent or parents cannot or will not take care of them. Theirs is a separation that stings far into the night and howls at the moon begging an answer! Yet in the distant night I hear this song haunt me as it seems to linger in the humid challis of the dim moon. We together experience the song in different ways, in mythical ways, and in longing ways. We have questions that have no answers...we have faces staring into stars of the kingdom of heaven. Alas...I sit and wonder into the night just why this song wreaks of hope and longing so fierce that it can only be told in a melody...the boys and I do our best to play along to each note. And the notes carry into the damp air and pierce the Fathers heart once again.